The diary of Dad

Things change pretty quickly in life, particularly when dealing with toddlers. It goes without saying that being annoyed or at least slightly frustrated is 99% of parenting but there are a few little things that are far more infuriating than your average dad rage.

Just to be clear, I realise I am a grumpy old man. This is nothing new to me having been an angsty kid, moody teenager and more recently a grumpy young man. Having spent my whole life working a completely unsuitable role in customer service I’m pretty good at bottling up my negativity but sometimes people can bring out the worst in us all. For now though it is time to let go of some of the pent up anger and disgust felt towards one man and channel the energy in a new direction.

The man I’m talking about, obviously, is Blippi. This man-child has caused me years of pain since becoming my toddler’s television obsession. Everything he does annoys me. His voice, his walk, his dances, his awful songs, his clothes. Everything.

What really makes Blippi unbearable for me though, is the clear and unashamed salesmanship in every one of his programmes. I can handle the less than subtle product placements and obvious sponsorship deals scattered throughout each episode but there is something about Blippi that just makes it feel a little more sinister.

For a little bit of perspective, it is worth knowing that Blippi actually had a previous YouTube ‘career’ with a character. In his former YouTube guise he was known as Steezy Grossman and performed silly and gross stunts in the hope of likes and subscriptions. The highlight of this chapter of his fame being an episode in which he defecates on his sidekick. Classy.

For what it’s worth he has since apologised and pointed out that he has grown up and is not that young man anymore. The video has now left the face of the planet and we are left with a more more sophisticated hero for our children in Blippi. This hero is such a great man that after having sold out a worldwide live tour he proceeded to turn up to a total of zero of those shows, instead sending a replacement to act the part and claiming “Blippi is a character and I am the creative force behind it.”

As you can tell by now, I am clearly over my rage at Blippi and his departure from our screens has been replaced by a far more annoying and quite frankly all conquering family of pigs. Like any great foe Peppa pig both infuriates me and also brings about just a small amount of respect and maybe even admiration.

The reason for these conflicted feelings is that having been forced to watch through many hours of this seemingly pointless and dull show , I simply can not figure out how they have been so successful .

There are literally hundreds of shows available that appear to be just as entertaining for young kids and thousands more that offer a much greater educational perspective. The only logical reasoning coming from my brain is that there must be some hidden subliminal messaging or a kind of visual drug administered through the screen as Peppa is now a worldwide phenomenon.

Whilst I could easily escape Blippi by switching the television over, Peppa Pig has left no stone unturned in her pursuit of both global domination and complete control of Robbie’s mind. His favourite song is from Peppa’s album and must be played on every car journey, often over and over again. He has toys, books, games and clothes all designed around this incredibly tedious show and there is no getting away from it. Peppa has seized control of my Son.

In some ways I must admit she does a far better job than me and I often find myself calling for her help when i can know longer handle the monster that I helped to create. Her music stops cries of ’let me out’ when he is in his car seat on journeys, her show makes Robbie actually sit still and eat dinner and her games on a tablet even helped us get him through a flight without so much as a flinch. Peppa pig has parenting skills that I can only dream off.

This is where my anger at the show comes from. I’ve always said I wouldn’t be that Dad who lets their kid watch rubbish on TV. I’ve even been arrogant enough to write previous posts encouraging parents that not everything on the box is bad for their children and that if you are selective it can be a great learning tool. Now here I am, the Father of yet another child lost to the pointless pig.

I will turn it around. Educational YouTube shows tube will return soon and I’ll be back to listening to real music in the car. If not, then at least i can take consolation that it’s only ten months until I can send him off to school and get some peace!

Thanks for reading my rants, hope you enjoyed! Just to clarify, I have no ill feeling towards any characters, people or pigs mentioned above including my Son. Well, most of the time anyway! See you all soon, Steve.