There’s a very specific moment on the school run that I’m convinced every dad experiences.
You pick them up and ask the question, “How was school?” Every time you get a one word response. For us, the options are always “good, bad or ok.”
That’s it. Seven hours of their day, reduced to a single word.
And now you’re stuck in that awkward silence, wondering whether to ask more questions or just let it go.
With Robbie, the one word is sometimes followed by endless chat about his video games or favourite YouTube channels and it is like the school day never happened.
The truth is, most of us default to the same question and it just doesn’t work.
So if you’re a dad trying to get more than one word answers and find out a little about what goes on beyond the gates without turning the school run into an interrogation… this is for you.
As dads, we’re not always the ones doing the school drop-off every day. When we do get that school run time, it matters.
Why Kids Don’t Say Much After School
Before we get into what to ask, it helps to understand what’s going on.
Most kids aren’t being difficult, they’re just tired, mentally exhausted and still processing everything that has happened that day.
And when we hit them with a big, vague question like “How was school?”, it’s actually quite hard to answer.
In reality, when Sarah asks me how my day at work was, my response is usually one word too. Though often it’s not a word I would use here!
Trying to compress a whole day’s activities, play and learning into one general question is just too much. Let’s break it down.
Stop Asking Big Questions, Start Asking Better Ones
It’s not about asking more questions. It’s about asking easier, more specific ones that don’t feel like pressure.
Think:
- small
- simple
- sometimes a bit silly
You’re not trying to get a full report in one go, you’re just trying to open the door.
Easy Icebreaker Questions (Low Effort, High Chance of an Answer)
These are your go-to when you first pick them up:
- What made you laugh today?
- Who did you sit next to at lunch?
- What was the best part of your day?
- Did anything funny happen?
- What did you play at break time?
These work because they break down the day into short, memorable segments and bring out the more fun elements of the day. Kids don’t want to talk about that learning stuff they did in the classroom.
Even a short answer to these is a win if it gets the conversation moving.
Slightly Deeper Questions (When They’re Starting to Open Up)
Once you get a bit more than “OK”, you can gently build on it:
- What was the trickiest thing you did today?
- Did anything surprise you?
- What did you learn that you didn’t know yesterday?
- If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?
These help them reflect a bit but still feel natural, not forced. You really have hit the jackpot if they mention something they have studying.
Fun & Silly Questions (Underrated Dad Strategy)
This is where things usually work best. Robbie always opens up more when it doesn’t feel serious:
- If your teacher turned into an animal today, what would they be?
- What was the weirdest thing that happened?
- If today was a film, what would it be called?
- Who would win in a race—your teacher or the headteacher?
- What was the most random thing you saw today?
- If your teacher was in Roblox game, what powers would she have? (Our favourite!)
You’ll get far longer answers from these more playful and open ended answers. You may not get the level of detail about their day that you want but at least you will have a laugh on the way home!
Questions That Build Connection
These are great once you’ve got a bit of a flow going:
- Who had a really good day today?
- Did anyone have a tough day?
- Did you help anyone today?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
You’re not forcing a deep conversation but you’re creating space for one if they want it. I often find out more about Robbie’s day by asking how his best friend was as they are practically inseparable!
A Quick Reality Check (Because This Is Real Life)
Some days, none of this will work. You’ll try great questions, silly questions and even desperate questions and still get “Dunno.”
It’s completely normal for a kid’s mind to shut down a little after the whirlwind that is school. It is even likely that as a dad you are their safe and secure haven. They’re relaxed with you and feel safe to unwind a little whilst their brain compresses all the the information of the day.
There’s nothing to get mad about and certainly no need to worry.
The goal isn’t to get a perfect conversation every day. It’s just to keep showing up, keep asking, and keep that door open.
A Small Win From My Own School Run
The question that’s worked best for me recently?
“Did you play football at lunchtime?”
It’s simple, but it’s specific enough that Robbie actually has to think.
This works for me as Robbie has never really been into football and does not play for a club or train with a team.
Some days he plays football at lunch and will want to tell me if he has scored a goal. Other days he has done something else at lunchtime but he will then tell me about that activity. It’s a win either way.
Sometimes I get a quick answer. Sometimes I get a full story involving someone falling over or a new game he played with a friend.
Either way, it beats “fine.”
Questions to Avoid Asking Your Kids After School
Not because they’re bad but because they usually go nowhere:
- “How was school?”
- “What did you do today?”
- “Did you have a good day?”
They’re just too big.
You’re basically asking them to summarise their entire day on the spot… while they’re tired… and probably thinking about snacks. Any question that can be answered in a word, will be at this point.
FAQs
Why does my child not talk about school?
Most kids need time to decompress after school. Big questions can feel overwhelming, so they default to short answers.
When is the best time to talk to kids about their day?
Not always straight away. Some kids open up more later in the evening, at bedtime or whenever they feel like it!
How can dads get kids to open up more?
Keep it relaxed. Your kid has had a busy day and is happy in your company. Now is not the time for a round of Mastermind, simple open ended questions about things they enjoy will get you much further.
And don’t worry about getting a full conversation every time. A little information about their day is enough for now.
Final Thought
Some days you’ll get a full story and some days you’ll get “OK.”
Either way is actually fine. Half the time, it’s not about the question anyway, it’s just about being there on the school run, asking the questions.
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