The diary of Dad

There’s a definite theme occurring that I can’t help but dispute. Almost each and every time a member of the public stops to talk to Robbie, they refer to him as a ‘little angel.’ Of course, I always give the typical parent reply of “you should see him at home” or something along those lines.

This standard small talk is all part of being a Dad. If I were to answer that he is actually so far from being an angel it’s unreal and that perhaps the guy constantly chasing him around the house, suffering his incredibly annoying toys and wiping his bum is in fact far more angelic then the conversation would be much shorter. It could even end in a visit from social services.

So I thought it only fair to take a far more objective look at this angel claim and what fairer way to judge than a seven deadly sins challenge. Best of seven wins and can openly claim to the second most angelic member of our family (behind Mum obviously.). So let’s get started.

Envy

“The intense desire to have an item that someone else possesses.”

Easy start. I’m a pretty passive guy and have no real desire for any item at all, let alone one belonging to someone else. Robbie on the other hand is an absolute nightmare when he sees something he wants.

He will scream, shout and throw himself onto the floor in a fit of tears just because he can not have a particular toy or game at that exact moment so there’s no doubt on this, 1-0 to Daddy. This is going to be easy.

Gluttony

“An excessive and ongoing consumption of food or drink.”

This one is a lot closer. Those that know me will be aware that I have a build resembling a garden rake and it’s unlikely I would lose a contest on gluttony. My opponent for this however, has taken the competition to a whole new level by regularly refusing to eat anything at all. That’s hard to beat.

I would be happy to call this one a draw but since the definition mentions drink and it has been a long few months I’ll graciously concede the point, just to keep the match interesting of course. 1-1.

Lust

“A strong passion or longing, especially for sexual desires.”

Oh come on, this is not fair! OK, so I’m pretty confident that my two year son is not lustful in any way. I’m not exactly a pimp myself, but this competition would not be taking place without just a little bit of lust. 2-1 to the toddler.

Pride

“An excessive view of one’s self, without regard for others.”

I am an extremely proud Dad. I’m one of those annoying types who will keep showing you photos and videos of Robbie and update you on every new word, trick and game he learns. Whether you want to know or not.

I fully expected to lose this round until I actually read the definition. I’d even go as far to say I would proudly lose it, but I won’t.

I very much doubt that Robbie has much regard for me when dropping weapons of mass destruction in his nappy or running around the house destroying everything he sees. I, on the other hand, am happy to have the needs of Robbie and his Mum as my top priorities in my life. All square again.

Greed

“The excessive pursuit of material goods.”

As mentioned earlier, I’m not really that into material goods. Which is lucky as I could neither afford the money nor time to enjoy them!

Robbie on the other hand, seems determined to collect and own each and every toy car ever produced and despite having a collection which must now span into the hundreds, he still can’t resist grabbing one every time we visit a shop. Zero doubt on this one, advantage heavenly Dad.

Wrath

“A strong anger or hate towards another person.”

Hate’s a strong word isn’t it? I really don’t think I hate anyone and I’m pretty sure Robbie doesn’t either. Of course the actions of some people make us all angry at times but I’m not sure this is really what the sin is referring to.

Robbie obviously has his moments of angry rage, but they are more directed at something material being taken away or being asked to do something he doesn’t fancy. There is no real anger at the other poor human making the decision.

I honestly don’t think there is anyone I know and hate, though there may be certain celebrities, sportsmen and politicians that bring about a little anger every time I see them on the TV so I’ll have to give this round to the boy. Just.

Sloth

“An excessive laziness or the failure to act or utilise one’s talents.”

Not the decider I was hoping for. Robbie is like the Duracell bunny after twelve cups of coffee, all day every day. I literally used to have the nickname “Sloth.” I’m not sure how I can claim the win here.

Perhaps I could argue that my extreme lack of talent in pretty much anything has meant there is nothing to actually utilise but that would be clutching at straws.

This blog post itself was actually started over two weeks ago now, I’ve just been too lazy to finish it. In that time Robbie has run the equivalent of ten marathons, learnt more new words than I have in my own vocabulary and is likely now secretly working on his own version of a Covid vaccine.

There is one silver lining for me regarding this sin though. I’m far less lazy than I would have been without Robbie. He, quite literally, drags me from my armchair all day and has had me running, jumping and dancing. So I may be the loser for this one, but perhaps his lack of sin has made me a better person too.

For those not keeping close score, or most likely those who just skipped to the end, that’s it. 4-3 to The Robster. A close run but as usual my inevitable laziness let me down at the last hurdle and Robbie can continue to be called an angel by random members of the public. Let’s have a re-match when you’re a teenager…